Category Archives: Personal Image

June 13, 2014 · 1:17 pm

Loved One

Sometime in the last year or so I read an article floating somewhere on the internet that talked about how we shouldn’t compliment very young girls with words like “pretty girl” and such, because then, somewhere in their psyche, they will think they have to be pretty to be appreciated, loved, and accepted.

I’m not sure how much I buy that, though I know that at some point in my childhood I definitely adopted that mentality. That I had to be pretty, I had to be skinny (well, or at least, ‘normal’ – which I was not) for anyone to actually love me. Being the child who saw things from a long-term viewpoint rather than just this-minute, I assumed this meant that I would never marry, since I would never be pretty, thanks to my extra serving of body curves. Or, if I married, it would be a man who was a widower, and needed help raising his children. No joke. That’s what I assumed.

Which is heartbreaking, looking back. I want to take young me, pick me up, cuddle me, and whisper truth into my younger ear. But I don’t get that chance.

All that to say, I’m pretty hyper-sensitive to body-image remarks by women (or men) about themselves and others. I’m also hyper-sensitive to comments that articles like the one I read make. They stick with me now.

There is a little toddler that I babysit fairly frequently. She’s absolutely adorable. Blue eyes, curly hair, and the happiest, brightest smile that is reminiscent of a buttercup (that’s a flower for any flower-ignorant people out there). She is toddler-gorgeous.

And while I tell her this fairly often (because I do think it’s necessary – girls NEED to hear they are pretty) I also make a point of complimenting her in other ways. The endearment I try to use most often is “Loved One” – because that is exactly what she is, by me, by those around her, and especially by her parents. And nothing can change that. And there is nothing she can do to earn more love – or to lose it (not saying that she can’t make loving her harder or easier, because that is possible).

And so, if the names we call children when they are very young CAN take root deep inside them and help show them how to see the world, the name Loved One hopefully shows her how very un-dependent others’ love for her is based on her looks, or intelligence, or achievements. In fact, others loving her, or her value, or her worth is dependent on nothing save her simply being her.

This hit me hard when I first started calling her Loved One – because I think that’s how it works with us and God. Our value, our worth, our identity, God loving us, is dependent on NOTHING we do. In fact, it’s simply because God made us, and we are who we are that gives us value, worth, identity, etc. I wish I had realized that as a young girl, and especially as a teenager.

You are loved by God and others around you simply because you are you – not because of what you do or how you look. Just keep bein’ you. It’s the best gift you can give the world.

(Assuming, of course, that you bein’ you is a you that is striving to become more like the you that God envisioned when He made you. I think that’s kinda incredibly important. Of course, you can’t do that either without Him and accepting His love for you.)

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Filed under Personal Image, Self / Emotions, spiritual life

Tagged as accepting love, God, love, Loved One, self, self-image

May 16, 2014 · 1:17 pm

Living in a material world

On Wednesday, I was sitting in the last class I would have of a course, (yay! Summer is here!) and we were talking about volunteers in churches, or more accurately, problematic volunteers.
This particular discussion was about what to do with volunteers who cause pain and division among a congregation – because, unfortunately, it happens. People want to serve in the church for all sorts of different reasons, and often, those reasons are selfish or poisonous (not that the volunteer realizes this, or has even taken the time to reflect on why she wants to volunteer). We joked about how it would be so nice to have a list of the people who moved from church to church, causing destruction (because that happens), or how maybe we should warn whatever church they are going to next (assuming they tell someone – which they usually do), or how we should maybe call their previous church to see what their impact was, before allowing them to serve in our church. Like, actually having references (and checking them) in order to volunteer with your church…or maybe even join the church.
Someone in my class likened it to sexual predators, saying that if they knew the person was a sex offender, and was going to another church, she’d warn the other church. And everyone in the class seemed to agree. But, everyone quickly followed up, only warn the other church THEN. Not if the volunteer was causing spiritual or emotional pain, or even a split in the congregation. You can’t warn the next church congregation victim of the destructive volunteer is the volunteer does ONLY spiritual or emotional damage to their previous church.
WHY IS THAT?
I mention this because I think it shows a fault in our physically-aware Western culture. If someone is going to harm the physical side of another person, we do everything we can to stop it (as we should). But if someone is known for causing spiritual harm, or emotional harm, well, the victim should just toughen up. Distance themselves, if they can, sure, but often we Christians encourage them to stay in the painful, awful situation.
SERIOUSLY?
By saying that, we are saying that the physical part of a person is the most important, or most valuable part. At least, that’s how I see it. Protect the physical part of people from those who would do harm, but if we know of other harm – our hands are tied.
GAH!!!
Assuming you believe in an afterlife, than you probably believe that physical body is not the part that lives on. It is not the most important part of you. Is it important? Sure. Are all the facets of who you are (physical, spiritual, emotional, mental – just to name the big ones) somehow intertwined with your physical body? Yes. If a man rapes a girl, is he somehow also harming her emotionally, spiritually, and mentally (despite the fact he’s only touching her physical body)? More than likely – yes.
We put so much emphasis, so much importance, on the physical world. On our bodies, on our possessions, what we can see, hear, taste, touch and smell. We call this physical world Reality. But the thing is, this Reality, this physical world, it’s not going to last. Look around, decay is everywhere. Western Culture’s Reality is crumbling, and crumbling quicker by the day. And yet we cling to what our physical bodies can experience, ignoring the fact that God created us with other, more long-lasting parts.
Why is that?
We get so trapped up in this immediate world, that we forget to prep for the next. We forget to protect the spiritual and emotional parts of us and of others. We forget (or get too lazy) to stretch the mental parts of us. The parts of ourselves that we can’t see, we forget matter. And so they sit, curled up in the fetal position, in the corner of our existence, starving to death with skeleton-like faces and twig arms, too emaciated to even cry out.
Something needs to change. Our priorities need to change. The way we see the world, the way we experience the world, the way we view ourselves, needs to change.
Only God can change our perspective. Only He can help us remember that the world we live in is more than a physical one, that who we are is more than a body and a mind. But the change of perspective, the realization that this physical world is not the only layer of our existence, is vital. It needs to happen. Has to happen. So pray. Pray that God will change how you see yourself and others, and that you can be an influence in changing what others think is most important.

A slice of Humble Pie

For whatever reason, the idea of humility has been bouncing around me for the last couple months. Whether it’s just the current fad, or God’s trying to teach me something, well, I guess I need to ask Him.
Growing up, I was given the idea that humility meant thinking more of others than yourself. That it meant taking care of others at the expense of you – your time, your money, your abilities, everything.
But, if we say the best example in the Bible of a humble person is Christ…than that’s not really true. I mean, sure, He eventually did give up His life for the good of the world, but that’s because that was His job, His calling, His purpose. But that’s not really how He lived His life. Throughout the Gospels we often find Jesus sleeping, or taking time out with just Him and God – even if there are people around wanting to learn from Him. He took time to refresh.
He knew His human limits. He knew what He could do, and did it when it was appropriate. And He knew what He couldn’t do (think temptation after 40 days, or His quiet times with God). And in all things, He depended on His Father (God the Father) for strength, and on the Holy Spirit for insight. Jesus couldn’t do it all by Himself, and He acted in that knowledge.
Nor did He think He had to stay around to watch His church grow. Nope. He knew that wasn’t His job, and He empowered the men whose jobs it was – His disciples.
So, basically, humility is being aware of who you are – of your strengths and your weaknesses, and admitting to them and using them to the glory of God. But even more than that, it means owning your dependence on God, and listening to Him. Being aware of which jobs you’d be the best for, and which ones you should NOT accept because you can’t do them…or because they tempt you too badly. Being aware of your body, and allowing it to be healthy (you know, feed it right, exercise, and REST it – physically, mentally and spiritually). Humility means you are aware of the needs of the world around you, and your own, and you meet those needs as God leads.
I would end this by saying, “Know thyself”…but I think that’s not really possible without Christ revealing to you who exactly you are. You can try it on your own, but I don’t think it’s going to turn out as well as it would with Christ. So, let Him show you who you are. Ask Him to show you your strengths and your weaknesses. Ask Him to give you opportunities to grow you, and experiences that remind you of your complete and utter dependence on Him.

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Filed under Personal Image

Tagged as God, humility, Jesus, know yourself

March 7, 2014 · 1:17 pm

I.D. Please?

Just so you know, the lengthy blog below is not necessarily Biblically proven (I mean, sure, there’s a lot of Biblical truth in it, but there is no where in the Bible that says, “this is IT”, so please don’t think that this is that). These is just where I have currently landed on my understanding of the topic. If you have your own thoughts, please, I’d love to hear them.

“Can I see your I.D.?”
I walk up to the man in uniform, hand him my driver’s license and boarding pass and wait as he checks to make sure my I.D. is valid, my boarding pass is legit, and then waves me on with a polite gesture.
Really? This little piece of plastic that fits in my pocket tells you who I am? I mean, I guess the picture looks like me, I haven’t changed THAT much in the ten years since my picture was taken. So, since the picture and my face match-ish, than everything else on the little piece of plastic is accurate too. It is a sum of who I am.
My first name is Amy. My initials spell ALL (a detail I love!). I live where there are beautiful mountains. I have brown hair and brown eyes. And then, of course, the piece of plastic holds a few other details about me (like height and weight), and even more important numbers are on there – like my birthday, my driver’s license number, and the date when this particular piece of plastic will no longer be a valid source of knowledge for who I am (the expiration date).
But if you ask anyone who knows me, I am so much more than that tiny bit of information. I am daughter, sister, friend, mentor, leader, student, crazy-driver, brownie-baker, encourager, seamstress, writer, babysitter, and reader – to name a few. And those are just titles! That doesn’t even begin to go into the details – like what my laugh sounds like, or why or when I laugh for that matter. Or what my story with God is. It doesn’t tell you my favorite flowers, or favorite season, or favorite candy, or favorite movie, or what kind of music I like. Or whether or not I snore, or what hobbies I might have, or what makes me blush, or what I’m passionate about…and so much more. And all this stuff – this stuff that you can’t take from me (might change over time, but you can’t take it from me) – this is what makes me, me.
So, when someone comes up to me in church and says, “Your identity needs to be In Christ. You are Christ’s child.”…WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!?
I’ve heard the general explanations: God loves me. I need to depend on Him for my validation, not my friends or family or the world.
But…WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!? Like, on a practical level, in everyday life. How is THAT my I.D.? I can’t simply make up a card with my face on it, my height and weight on it (just to make sure no one stole the little piece of plastic) and then put CHILD OF GOD across the top, with some pretty pearly gates in the background, since it will be issued by Heaven. Pretty sure the guy at the airport gate isn’t going to accept that as “valid”. Not that his opinion really matters. I don’t think of my Driver’s License as my actual identification (it’s just a brief, precise physical description). But still.
What does it mean to be a Child of God?
I know this much:
It means that He loves me enough for Jesus to come to Earth, live a perfect
life, die for my sins, defeat Satan’s claim over my life, and then, when the
time is right, usher me into Heaven.
Now, don’t get me wrong – that’s GREAT. But, it’s more than that
too. It means that, as His child, I love Him like my father…which
means loving Him so much I want to live a life that pleases Him and
brings Him joy. Which means living a life different than most people
around me live. It means living a life that is full of joy and grace and
love and patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, etc.
But that’s what I DO, not who I am. What I DO is a result of
how I see myself. SO, in order for those things above to
happen, I have to see myself and recognize that I am God’s
kid, the apple of His eye, that I have ahold of His
heartstrings.
Which means, I think, that in order for me to practically, on a daily basis, understand what it means to be a child of God, to take those ambiguous three words as my identity, I need to see myself as He sees me…or as close as He’ll let me see myself as He sees me.
For example – growing up, whether or not we fully realize it – we learn to see ourselves as our parents see us (well, I think this is true. Technically I’ve only ever observed this phenomenon … oh, and I’ve lived through it as a kid. Never been on the parent part of this formula). But, if our father sees us as a nuisance, he’s going to treat us as such…and we will respond to that. If he treats us that way long enough, eventually, we will begin to realize He sees us this way, and it will become part of our identity, and from there, it becomes the source of our actions…and so (probably) we become an even bigger nuisance.
Now – quick note – not all parents realize how their actions are affecting their kids, nor understand how the messages they are sending are shaping their children’s identity. And, most often, the way parents treat kids is not in reaction to the kid herself, but to the parents’ own old wounds, scars, and beliefs. So, in cases like this, the child ends up believing stuff about herself which was never true, but had so much more to do with their parents’ wounds.
Okay – back to identity in God. We need to see ourselves as God sees us. If we understand that He sees the broken, ugly bits of us, but still loves us more deeply and purely than any human ever could, we’re going to view the world with a different perspective than if we believe that God sees us as a screw-up. And if we understand His love for us, than how we interact with the world will change. And this will change how we identify ourselves. We will know what it means to have our identity in Christ.

A butterfly is a butterfly is a butterfly whether or not she chooses to fly or to crawl along the ground like the caterpillar she used to be.
She IS a butterfly; that is her identity. She can’t change that. Nothing can take that from her. But it is not until she realizes she is a butterfly, spreads her wings and flies that she is embracing her identity.

You ARE a child of God, whether or not you want to admit it. But, it won’t be until you do admit it that you’ll be willing to recognize you even have wings. And then comes the process of spreading them, trusting the wind, and gliding. The process of being willing to believe that God loves you – unconditionally, just as you are. The process of learning to listen to Him, of following Him, of molding your life to His design. The process of realizing what it means to be His child.

Unseen Beauty

If you know me, you know there are a few subjects I can get, um, let’s go with “passionate” about. One of them is a woman’s beauty. Maybe because while growing up I would look around at all the girls my age and wish I was as beautiful as them (I couldn’t be beautiful because of my curvy body that refused to fit into social norms, no matter how little or how healthfully I ate – or how much I worked out). I could see the beauty in each and every woman and girl around me, and I longed to be as beautiful as they.
Now, eventually, I have been able to gain a more healthful attitude on this issue, and thanks to God and some persistent, kind, honest friends, I can see my own beauty. But I still see the beauty in every other woman, and it breaks my heart when they can’t see their own. Or when they downplay it because they don’t fit into a certain jean size, or their skin has developed wrinkles, or they have freckles, or their hair color isn’t blonde (or brunette or glorious red). I hate that!
I told one of the girls in my youth group a couple years ago that if I could give my life for the women of the world to see their own beauty and value, I would. And that’s still true, but I’ve learned something since then.
You aren’t going to truly be able to see your own beauty, if you don’t know how Christ sees you. It’s confusing and makes no sense, I know, and I’m not completely sure why this is the case, but it is. And, unfortunately, it’s one of those “constantly work on” things. It CAN go away if you don’t guard it. You have to know how much God loves you, treasures you, and how you look through the lens of Jesus in order for you to see your own beauty. Otherwise there will always be a flaw or someone prettier (thus rendering you not pretty) or aging that will bring your beauty into question in your mind. That’s just how it is in this cut-throat, beauty-defiling world we live in.
And, as I have been discovering, once you know how God sees you, what He thinks about you, you can learn to love all the bits and pieces of you – the insecure bits, the scared pieces, those things you see as flaws (freckles or snorts or a temper). And, the amazing thing is, generally, once you learn to love a specific bit of yourself, than that flaw no longer has power over you, and no longer can be used to whisper lies into your ear.
So, want to feel comfortable in your skin? Want to feel beautiful? There is absolutely nothing YOU can personally do about it. So start praying that God, in His timing and His way, will start to show you how He sees you. And then, that will be all that matters.
And that, Ladies (and Gentlemen) is beautiful.

Category Archives: Personal Image

Loved One

Living in a material world

A slice of Humble Pie

I.D. Please?

Unseen Beauty

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