July 4, 2014
Dear Little Sister,
I need to confess something: I read your journal. You left it out, and instead of letting it get trashed, I picked it up and read it. I’m sorry. Not that it makes it okay, but I was curious what was going on in your heart.
And I want you to know, having been your age, and where you are now, I am so sorry for the pain in your heart. I know what it’s like to not feel loved, or good enough. To not feel pretty enough. To feel like boys will only always ever want to be friends with you and nothing more.
I’ve been there Little Sister. I know that deep, searing pain. In fact, some days, I’m still there.
And while I would love to be able to erase those pains from your heart, I know to some extent, those pains are being used to create an incredible, strong, God-dependent, gorgeous woman. Which doesn’t make the pain suck any less.
And while you’ll only believe what I’m about to tell you when you’re really ready to accept it, I’m going to tell it to you anyway.
You are loved, deeply, passionately, unconditionally. By God, by me, by others (some I suspect being your family). And while right now in your teenage years that does not feel as important or valid as a boy’s love, it really is. It’s better than what any boy your age could love you, because a boy your age is usually still incapable of loving you the way your soul desires.
You are a princess, a daughter, of the One who Created The Stars, Who Loves Better Than Anyone Else, Who Knows What’s Coming. Try to wrap your mind around that. The one who set the constellations in their places, the one who set the planets spinning knows your heart intimately. Knows what makes you smile. Cries when your heart is in pain. And He loves you more than you could ever imagine. He has good things planned for you. He delights in you. The sunrise – it’s for you. The butterflies – they’re to tease a smile out onto your face. The splash of water? To make you smile. He delights in you. You are incredibly precious to Him.
And I am sorry that this world is doing such an excellent job of telling you otherwise, of telling you that you aren’t loved at all, of telling you that His love isn’t as important as someone else’s. Do me a favor little Sis, do your absolute best to not believe the lies. Start asking, beg and cry if you have to, God to show you just how very much He loves you. Ask Him to show you how He sees you. I suspect that if we could see ourselves as God sees us, you and I wouldn’t have days where we feel unloved, unlovely, unloveable and unwanted.
So, when you need a hug, call me. We’ll go get a cup of ice cream, walk along a creek, find a butterfly, pick a flower or two, and remind each other of the love that surrounds us, of the love letters written for us, hidden in the world around us.
You are Loved. You are Beautiful (I really wish you could see yourself through my eyes – you are SO lovely). You are incredibly Precious. You are a Joy, a Delight, a Wonderful Woman. I love you deeply, and I love imperfectly; I can only imagine how crazy in-love God is with you Little Sister.
Go read John 15 and Matthew 7: 11.
HUG and snuggles!!!!
4 responses to “Dear Li’l Sis”
I can hardly even begin to describe how hard this hit me today, Amy. It was a well-aimed, and much needed letter strait into my heart. Thank you so much, and I thank God all the more for you.
I’m glad that it was helpful (and encouraging?) to you Dear! I’m praying for you, your health, and the remainder of your time away. I miss you bunches!!!
I’ve been meaning to come back and read this for a while now. However, I couldn’t bring myself to because I knew some of the words would resonate in a way that they haven’t for a while and some would have almost lost their meaning to me. I was upset when I first read this, but it’s been almost 7 years (wow) and I still somehow find my way back to it every now and then. There’s still a deep searing pain because it can be hard to feel the unconditional love especially when the faith has faded.
Sometimes I yearn to be in a Wendy’s parking lot at 6pm on a Wednesday just to feel the love and faith that you once helped guide me in.
I guess I just want to let you know I still think about the words you have provided me over the past 9 years and I am so grateful.
Soooooo, it’s been almost a year (gulp). Sorry about that.
I hope your Christmas season is one of joy for you, even if faith has faded and life feels differently.
I miss you, and I want you to know that no matter what, you will always be loved Little Sis – always.