Dear Sir

Sometimes as a Christian woman I have things to say to the Christian men in the world.

August 1, 2014

Dear Sir,
I think I need to make something clear.  Despite being a good, upstanding Christian gentleman, it is not your job to protect the hearts of your Christian sisters (and the Christian girls you REALLY don’t want to think of as your ‘sister’).
I mean, sure, don’t lead them on.  Do your absolute best to let the women in your life know exactly how you view them; let them in on your intentions, as 19th century men might say.  Let the women know whether they are simply sisters and friends to you, or if you have more romantic intentions.  And do your best to not say one thing, and then act in another way (men do this soooooo often – it’s not just a female thing).
But that is the extent of your responsibility.  It is not your job to guard the hearts of the women in your life.  In fact, if you do that, you’re probably going to end up discovering you’ve done an excellent job of stealing their hearts.  It’s just how us females tend to work.
Guarding a girl’s heart is the job of the girl, and of Christ, if she lets Him in on the responsibility (Which she should have.  If she hasn’t, she probably isn’t a girl you necessarily want to be pursuing).   It is HER mind that needs to be reigned in, so that her heart isn’t given willy-nilly to every young man who looks her way.  And, of course, she can only do this if her heart has already been surrendered to Christ, and she if finding her worth and identity in Him.
Hm, that last paragraph is very Christian-ese.  Let me see.
Girls tend to get into romantic relationships because there is nothing like attention from a man to make us feel pretty, wanted, special, and important.  If a girl is looking for these desires to be fulfilled by a guy, – by you – your relationship is going to get pretty rocky and ugly because, as much as you want to, you can’t fulfill those needs.  You weren’t created to, and her heart wasn’t created to be fulfilled by your attention.
But if she’s figured out how to allow Christ to fill those needs and desires in her life (as much as He can, not being a physical Being an’ all, which is where you come in), your relationship is going to be much happier.
You shouldn’t have to protect her heart, because it should already be given to Christ to protect.  I’m sorry, but He’s the best protector of hearts out there. He’s got ya whooped.
Which means, if you want to win a woman’s heart, guess who you should go talk to about it?  Yep, Mr. Creator and Protector Of Female Hearts himself.  He knows her heart pretty well; listen, and He’ll help you slowly earn her heart.  He’s not going to simply hand it over to you, after all.  You’re going to have to prove that you’re man enough to handle the little bit of her heart that He’ll trust you with.
Oh, and He’ll never give you her whole heart.  You can’t handle it, and you don’t really want it.  He’ll give you just enough so that you reflect to her the bits of Him that she can’t see clearly.
Which should be a relief.  If you stick around in the relationship long enough, you’ll do an excellent job of breaking her heart at some point.  But, if you don’t hold her whole heart, if God holds a good chunk of it, than you haven’t broken all of it, and she has a chance to heal and forgive you.
By the way, the same should be true of your heart – God’s got it, and is simply entrusting part of it to another human.

July 4, 2014

Dear Sir,

You must have a beard, drive a truck, wear camo, and know how to shoot big game.  You must know all the sports stats of every sport that makes it onto ESPN.  You must be able to open un-openable jars.  You must know how to build and fix just about anything from a girl’s broken heart to the broken chair to the funny sound in the car.  You MUST be king of the backyard barbeque.  You should probably have several cars, or at least know a great deal of information about many cars.  You must know how to grunt, bring home the bacon, provide for your family, and have the undying love of a woman.  You must be swift as a coursing river, with all the force of a great typhoon, with all the strength of a raging fire, mysterious as the dark side of the moon.

Tired yet?  ‘Cuz I am.  And to be completely honest, as a woman, I wouldn’t want to meet such a man.

There are SO many definitions and requirements out there in our Western Culture, telling you what you need to do, have, and be in order to earn your Man Card.

And, humbly, most of it is crap (Sorry for the language Mrs. Neely).

Now, I know a lot the stuff mentioned above (and so much more unmentioned) are requirements and standards that men put on other men.  But I think some of the problem is women’s fault.  We allow you to think the above is part of what it means to be a man.  We allow you to think this is part of what we are looking for in our men.

Sorry about that.

Now, I can’t speak for women collectively.  We’re too complicated of creatures for any one of us to speak for all of us.  But, when it comes to me (and I think most of the women I know), when I see a man, I see a man who is comfortable with who God has made him (yes, this includes a great deal of the “male” characteristics, but is not limited too nor dependent upon those).  Who knows his strengths and his faults; who doesn’t try to be someone other than who he is (most of the time, he is human after all); who is passionately pursuing God above anyone and everything else in his life.  He also desires a heart after God’s, his heart breaking and spurred into action by what breaks God’s heart.  A man who cares for the people in his life, and reaches out to them when needed.  Who takes care of himself so that he can take care of others.

Okay, I’m tired again.  I’m actually sure such men don’t exist – at least not 24/7. But I think if a man is trying to do the above, he’s got a good start on being who God originally intended men to be before that stupid bite of fruit that Adam and Eve shared.



April 6, 2014
First – any Christian woman worth her salt is looking for a man who:
1.)  Loves God passionately (and his life shows that)
2.)  Has God-given dreams or passions (other than having a wife and kids) that he is
3.) Is willing to fight for her, and occasionally willing to fight her (in words, not
passive- aggressive actions)
3.5.)  Is willing to work out their arguments, even if the conversation is awkward
4.)  Loves being himself (this includes everything related to being a man)
5.) Is willing to learn, and willing to teach
6.)  Can and will lead – in his own style
7.) Sacrifices
8.) Is sensitive to the needs of those around him
9.)  Occasionally can identify colors   ; )   Just kidding.


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