This summer has not been an easy one for me. More often than not, by the end of the day, I feel completely empty, totally poured out. There’s not any one specific thing that’s been causing it – it’s been several specific things. Some are done and over with now, with other things filling their places. Some are on-going. All of them are draining.
And yes, prayer helps. As does reading scripture. And taking hikes, or long walks. And journaling. But I’m still empty by the end.
A couple weeks ago I went on a mission trip with my youth group. It was one of the things that completely broke me. When I came home and turned on my laptop, I was stopped by my wallpaper. It was a picture I had taken earlier in the summer during a camping trip. In the picture is a pile of broken egg shells, completely emptied of their yolk and white. And, because of their emptiness, the morning sunlight could shine right through them, illuminating their cracks in an eye-catching way. (So eye-catching that I had to stop flipping French Toast and grab my camera!)
Anyway, when I got back from my mission trip and was greeted by this picture, I suddenly found myself identifying with the eggs – completely emptied of everything within me, and broken.
But that’s when I realized that in order for the light to be shining through the eggshells, all their yolk and white had to be emptied out. In fact, if you could talk to the eggs, I bet they would tell you that they felt like their very essence, the very thing that made them eggs, had been drained out of them.
But, but that’s what had to happen for the light to shine through them. Only once the light was able to shine THROUGH them, could the eggs become something no one had expected.
And, I think, (I pray) that’s what God’s been doing with me this summer – completely emptying me of what I think of as my essence. But, in reality, it’s just stuff that gets in His way of shining THROUGH me. Which is really what I want. I want Him to shine through me. I want to be merely a shell, with Him filling me up, pouring out of me, catching eyes so that people notice.
I want to live an eggshell life – a life that brings Him glory and catches eyes for Him.