A year and a few days ago I broke up with my boyfriend. And I’m still healing from it. Which, to me, is crazy. It wasn’t like we were dating long – only almost three months (which, for an adult is SHORT – for a middle schooler, this is almost an eternity). But it was fast, intense, passionate, and over
And today, almost exactly a year from when it ended, I still have no doubts that it needed to end. But I also am still working through hurts and memories and lessons that I received during my time with him. And this astounds me.
Because I’m supposed to be over it by now. I’m supposed to have worked through it all, and not need to spend another second thinking about the past. But that’s not the case.
The thing is, I know I’m not the only one in this situation. Somehow, in our modern world, we tend to think people heal from stuff fast. They’re supposed to get over some major emotional injury quickly and not bother the rest of us about it.
But healing doesn’t work that way. Healing is a slow, painful, HARD process. It takes a great deal of effort (healing demands you actually work through stuff, not just ignore it) and a great deal of time. So. Much. Time.
When I was a very little girl (like, 4 years old) I fell down and scrapped the palm of my hand. It bled and I had a nasty red and yellow scab for a week after. It only took a second to be wounded, but exponentially longer than that to heal. And while this particular wound was a physical one, the same is true of our emotions. Healing takes so much longer than the wounding.
So be patient with yourself. Give yourself the permission to take the time to heal.
The thing is, the same is true of our friends. They might be in pain from something so much longer than we’d expect. Please, please sit with them in their pain. Sure, encourage them to heal, but don’t rush it. Allow them the time they need. Someday (or month or year or lifetime) they might be sitting beside you while you heal.