Hey Guys! I (Amy) am back, for this week at least. Meagan wanted to work on her next entry a bit longer.
I am firmly convinced that God is a wrestler. Causes weird mental images, doesn’t it? I don’t really like to think of God in one of those weird unitard things modern wrestlers wear. Or as a Greek wrestler. More like a dad wrestling his 7 year old son, playfully pinning him to the ground.
And yet, in my own life, the wrestling doesn’t always feel so playful. Mostly it’s just frustrating, despite the fact that wrestling with God seems to be a pretty common theme – in my own life, in the lives of those who are several steps ahead of me on this journey, in the lives of my kids – we all wrestle with God over something. Whether it comes to wrapping our heads around an aspect of God’s character, or working through trying to forgive someone, or trying to accept His love for us, or working on a certain vice, it all seems to be a pretty messy wrestling match.
I wish someone had told me that when I was younger. I wouldn’t have thought I was the only one for whom this Christian thing didn’t come easy.
I mean sure, I had heard the story of Jacob wrestling with God (Genesis 32:22-32), but Jacob was a trickster, a shepherd, a polygamist and one of the patriarchs of the nation of God. That description didn’t apply to me, and so why would God wrestle with me? Why wouldn’t things come easy so long as I loved Him with all my heart and tried to please Him (which, I admit, years later is pretty much impossible without His help).
But more often than not, I find myself identifying with Jacob (re-named Israel), wrestling with God, asking Him “why” or “how come.” Whoever said following Christ would make life easier was lying, or that understanding God, or even stepping in His footsteps would be easy – liar. Life might be more fulfilling (in the long run), but definitely not easier. And I’m still trying to figure out why.
I mean mostly, to me, it doesn’t really make sense. I ask God to help me forgive someone, or get “over” a certain sin, or understand His love for me, and He seems to take it as a challenge: “Oh, you want to see yourself through My eyes? Well, fight me for it.” And I don’t get it, because isn’t that something He should WANT to give me? Something that is good and will help our relationship? Something that will help me reflect Him more truthfully? So why make me fight?
It’s like He wants to make sure I really want it – whatever it is.
Or that somehow, in the struggle, I begin to understand the worth of what I’ve asked for.
It’s like He’s like a good parent – He doesn’t want to just hand me it, He wants me to work for it.
But when I was a kid, no chapel speaker, Bible teacher or youth pastor ever told me that. It was like I was the only one wrestling with God. It was frustrating.
So, I’m putting this out there. If you’re on this journey with God, and He’s at all a central figure in your life, He’s gonna wrestle with you. God seems to like to fight that way. And it’s okay. In the long run, you’ll appreciate whatever you were wrestling over better anyway. And don’t feel bad about wrestling with God. Don’t let anyone tell you this life is easy. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s wrong to fight with God. Don’t deprive God of a fight. He can totally take you anyway.