Hello, my name is Amy, and I’m a broken Christian.
When churches mention building projects, because of my past history with them, everything inside me shrinks, and thinks, “Here we go again; in a couple years, we’ll be another sad, cautionary tale, that, apparently, no one will listen too, because they’ll still be doing the same thing”. Which, of course, isn’t always true. It just has been in my personal past.
When a man smiles extra-friendly-like at me, I don’t see it. Or I pretend not to see and walk away quickly. I’m not sure how to handle flirting from a stranger. I’ve been pretty hurt in this area before – mostly by my own inner thoughts.
When a man gets angry around me…everything in me shuts down and wants to find a blanket to cover my head with and a corner to hide in. I don’t speak peace into the situation; I run and hide.
When someone asks me to do something, my immediate, gut response is “yes” – whether or not I can or have time to do it. I HATE saying “no”. This is not healthy or always helpful.
I don’t respect and appreciate my body as much as I should…mostly because it’s never worked the way everyone else’s seems to. Still, I should love it more; it is, after all, a pretty amazing gift.
I cringe at some worship songs, and sing others too freely.
I sometimes try to manipulate God by praying extra hard or promising to do something (or to never do something again). This is not very respectful or very faith-full.
I don’t always stand up for those I love. I’m not sure why; I just instantly freeze. I think of ten responses a half hour later.
I take God, His goodness, His grace for granted.
I don’t expect His justice enough. Or respect His righteousness enough.
I get angry…and then suppress it.
I am not always as respectful to my father as I should be.
I sometimes waste money and time.
Sometimes I use people. I never mean to though, not that this fact makes my usage any better.
I often let my thoughts wander to places that I shouldn’t. If, according to Jesus, thinking about something is as bad as actually doing it, I’m in trouble.
I am not perfect. And as much as I would love to say some day I will be, I don’t actually think that’s possible…at least, not until heaven. But I wish people wouldn’t expect us to be perfect anyway. Christians expect other Christians to be perfect, and then tear each other apart when we aren’t. The world expects Christians to be perfect (perhaps because we expect it of ourselves?), and then gets mad at us when we’re not.
But see, the thing is, Jesus never calls us to perfection – He calls us to imitate Him. And yes, He was perfect, so you could make that jump. But I think it’s important that we don’t. You can be “perfect” and live nothing like Christ – the Pharisees came pretty close. We are called to be like Christ, which is, to live a holy, righteous, God-focused life. Which, of course, due to the disposition towards sin that Adam and Eve so generously gave every human who ever lived, means that living a truly, entirely, holy life is impossible.
And this is why we need Jesus, and His sacrifice on the cross. Because we aren’t good enough to enter into the presence of God the Father without Jesus’ precious, perfect blood. Because we’re sinful. Because we’re imperfect and broken.
Sometimes it’s good to be reminded of this. To be reminded that we’re not perfect – and so we can’t expect anyone around us to be perfect. We forget this so often. WE CAN’T EXPECT ANYONE AROUND US TO BE PERFECT. So give them a little extra grace, because God gave you A LOT of extra grace. And remember that you’re not perfect. You’re broken. And while that’s awful and separates you from God, it’ll work out okay in the end. Jesus has got you covered. Literally.
Hi, I’m Amy, and I’m an imperfect Christian.