I did not grow up with Lent. In fact, I’m not sure I even knew what “giving something up for Lent” meant until I read the story of the Von Trapp Family Singers (the family Sound of Music was based on). Maria gave up sweets, or maybe it was just chocolate, for Lent. And I read that book sometime in early high school I think.
Lent was something “those Catholics” did. Not something us enlightened and freed from the law Protestants participated in. I had a lot to learn.
In college I heard a lot about different takes on Lent – all from Protestant Christian types. They talked about using the Lenten season to re-connect with God, to re-focus. And so they suggested ADDING something to our lives. Like focusing on a sense of gratitude during Lent, or taking 30 minutes out of our day to spend quietly before the Lord, and many other cool ideas.
At that time, I didn’t care enough. The first time I can remember giving something up for Lent was when I was in Bahrain. The girls I taught with and I gave up chocolate….sorta…kinda…maybe. I tried anyway. About three years ago I wanted to participate in this season, but knew I needed to keep it do-able. So, I turned off the radio in my car and didn’t turn it back on until after Easter. I tried to use the time to pray, but often became convicted of how easily my thoughts wander. But somehow, the quiet is good for me, even if my thoughts don’t stay focused in prayer. So it’s become a tradition during Lent.
This year is interesting, because while I’ve always driven a lot, I am driving like three or four times the distance than I have been, due to how far away the Seminary is from my home. And so I live in silence for at least an hour a day…or relative, busy-road silence anyway. And I cannot tell you how good that has been for my soul!
Noise adds so much clutter to our lives. It often does an amazing job of cancelling out God’s voice in our lives. And I haven’t done any studies on the subject, but I bet minds that have quiet as part of their daily routine are incredibly healthier than those that are constantly bombarded by music and noise.
But I also added something this year, mostly because the idea that the idea that my body is God’s temple, and so I need to take care of it as such, has been niggling at the back of my mind for months now. Not that I have been abusing my body, per se. At least, not anymore than the normal American. But I do eat way more sugar than my body needs, and, indeed, over the last four months or so, I’ve come to notice how dependent I am on it. Whenever I’d get stressed or tired or wanted to write or stay awake during class, I suddenly craved chocolate, or doughnuts or a mocha, or maybe ice cream. If I was hungry for a snack, I’d grab something sweet.
A desire for dependency on God and not myself or things in my life has been growing. So, with that two-fold goal of treating my body with better respect and with wanting to be more dependent on God during my times of stress and tiredness, I decided to give up sugar – to the best of my abilities. I’m pretty sure to completely go off of refined sugar I’d have to only eat meat, veggies and fruits. And I’m not going that extreme. But I’m giving up everything that I can that I know has sugar in it. AND IT’S CRAZY HOW MUCH DDOES!!!!
And while I do have sugar cravings every now and then (and fully expect them to get worse), it’s good. I can’t say I’ve noticed any major difference in my body, but I no longer beat myself up for eating sugar. And really, at least for now, that’s not the point.
But the coolest part of giving up sugar, is how present God is in my thoughts these days. When I choose to eat a certain way that is radically different than how I was eating, then everything I put in my mouth is suddenly a very conscious choice…which reminds me of God, of His love, and who He is. And what He’s done for me. Which is the point of this season.
And that is worth it.
So, take some time this Lenten season (so, from now until Easter, April 20th) to remember God. To be silent and listen. And maybe, if you’re brave, ask yourself what you’re depending on instead of Christ.
Tag Archives: God
Train tracks
This may shock you, but I live in a place where occasionally my driving is hindered by a train rumbling along its tracks that cross some of our roads. Yes, that still happens. It’s happened twice to me in the last week, and one of those roads was a super-busy street! I mean, this road is practically a highway, but all the fast-moving, impatient cars (well, impatient drivers anyway) still had to stop for the train to slowly roll by.
Normally, I try to get out of waiting. I turn around and try to find a way around (either behind or in front of or under in some cases) the trundling train. I’ve lived here for a while, so I know what my options are, and make use of them. The silly thing is though, by the time I get the piece of track that I can drive over, I would have saved time had I stayed where I originally was to begin. But, even though I know this, the idea of sitting there, counting the cars as they pass makes me slightly jittery. So much time is wasted while this antiquated form of transportation rolls along its tracks. And yet, in reality, it’s not that much time. I timed it yesterday. Three minutes. I waste three minutes sitting and waiting for the train. But the thing is, yesterday while actually waiting (I couldn’t get out of waiting yesterday) I realized that God was teaching me something here.
I think, sometimes, God puts inconvenient things in our lives (that technically, yes, we could get around) in order to make us slow down. I think He’s trying to give us a chance to stop, take a deep breath, and reflect a bit before moving on.
So when God slows you down a bit – simple things feel a bit harder than normal, or some process you have no control over but whose mercy you’re at takes longer than it should. It’s okay. Just breathe. And instead of worrying about when you’ll get your answer, or whatever, just trust that God’s got this. That it will be okay. And relax. Slow down. Breathe in, breathe out. Slow. Down.
Filed under Self / Emotions
I.D. Please?
Just so you know, the lengthy blog below is not necessarily Biblically proven (I mean, sure, there’s a lot of Biblical truth in it, but there is no where in the Bible that says, “this is IT”, so please don’t think that this is that). These is just where I have currently landed on my understanding of the topic. If you have your own thoughts, please, I’d love to hear them.
“Can I see your I.D.?”
I walk up to the man in uniform, hand him my driver’s license and boarding pass and wait as he checks to make sure my I.D. is valid, my boarding pass is legit, and then waves me on with a polite gesture.
Really? This little piece of plastic that fits in my pocket tells you who I am? I mean, I guess the picture looks like me, I haven’t changed THAT much in the ten years since my picture was taken. So, since the picture and my face match-ish, than everything else on the little piece of plastic is accurate too. It is a sum of who I am.
My first name is Amy. My initials spell ALL (a detail I love!). I live where there are beautiful mountains. I have brown hair and brown eyes. And then, of course, the piece of plastic holds a few other details about me (like height and weight), and even more important numbers are on there – like my birthday, my driver’s license number, and the date when this particular piece of plastic will no longer be a valid source of knowledge for who I am (the expiration date).
But if you ask anyone who knows me, I am so much more than that tiny bit of information. I am daughter, sister, friend, mentor, leader, student, crazy-driver, brownie-baker, encourager, seamstress, writer, babysitter, and reader – to name a few. And those are just titles! That doesn’t even begin to go into the details – like what my laugh sounds like, or why or when I laugh for that matter. Or what my story with God is. It doesn’t tell you my favorite flowers, or favorite season, or favorite candy, or favorite movie, or what kind of music I like. Or whether or not I snore, or what hobbies I might have, or what makes me blush, or what I’m passionate about…and so much more. And all this stuff – this stuff that you can’t take from me (might change over time, but you can’t take it from me) – this is what makes me, me.
So, when someone comes up to me in church and says, “Your identity needs to be In Christ. You are Christ’s child.”…WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!?
I’ve heard the general explanations: God loves me. I need to depend on Him for my validation, not my friends or family or the world.
But…WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!? Like, on a practical level, in everyday life. How is THAT my I.D.? I can’t simply make up a card with my face on it, my height and weight on it (just to make sure no one stole the little piece of plastic) and then put CHILD OF GOD across the top, with some pretty pearly gates in the background, since it will be issued by Heaven. Pretty sure the guy at the airport gate isn’t going to accept that as “valid”. Not that his opinion really matters. I don’t think of my Driver’s License as my actual identification (it’s just a brief, precise physical description). But still.
What does it mean to be a Child of God?
I know this much:
It means that He loves me enough for Jesus to come to Earth, live a perfect
life, die for my sins, defeat Satan’s claim over my life, and then, when the
time is right, usher me into Heaven.
Now, don’t get me wrong – that’s GREAT. But, it’s more than that
too. It means that, as His child, I love Him like my father…which
means loving Him so much I want to live a life that pleases Him and
brings Him joy. Which means living a life different than most people
around me live. It means living a life that is full of joy and grace and
love and patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, etc.
But that’s what I DO, not who I am. What I DO is a result of
how I see myself. SO, in order for those things above to
happen, I have to see myself and recognize that I am God’s
kid, the apple of His eye, that I have ahold of His
heartstrings.
Which means, I think, that in order for me to practically, on a daily basis, understand what it means to be a child of God, to take those ambiguous three words as my identity, I need to see myself as He sees me…or as close as He’ll let me see myself as He sees me.
For example – growing up, whether or not we fully realize it – we learn to see ourselves as our parents see us (well, I think this is true. Technically I’ve only ever observed this phenomenon … oh, and I’ve lived through it as a kid. Never been on the parent part of this formula). But, if our father sees us as a nuisance, he’s going to treat us as such…and we will respond to that. If he treats us that way long enough, eventually, we will begin to realize He sees us this way, and it will become part of our identity, and from there, it becomes the source of our actions…and so (probably) we become an even bigger nuisance.
Now – quick note – not all parents realize how their actions are affecting their kids, nor understand how the messages they are sending are shaping their children’s identity. And, most often, the way parents treat kids is not in reaction to the kid herself, but to the parents’ own old wounds, scars, and beliefs. So, in cases like this, the child ends up believing stuff about herself which was never true, but had so much more to do with their parents’ wounds.
Okay – back to identity in God. We need to see ourselves as God sees us. If we understand that He sees the broken, ugly bits of us, but still loves us more deeply and purely than any human ever could, we’re going to view the world with a different perspective than if we believe that God sees us as a screw-up. And if we understand His love for us, than how we interact with the world will change. And this will change how we identify ourselves. We will know what it means to have our identity in Christ.
A butterfly is a butterfly is a butterfly whether or not she chooses to fly or to crawl along the ground like the caterpillar she used to be.
She IS a butterfly; that is her identity. She can’t change that. Nothing can take that from her. But it is not until she realizes she is a butterfly, spreads her wings and flies that she is embracing her identity.
You ARE a child of God, whether or not you want to admit it. But, it won’t be until you do admit it that you’ll be willing to recognize you even have wings. And then comes the process of spreading them, trusting the wind, and gliding. The process of being willing to believe that God loves you – unconditionally, just as you are. The process of learning to listen to Him, of following Him, of molding your life to His design. The process of realizing what it means to be His child.
Filed under Personal Image, Self / Emotions
Where Your Mind Goes, So Go You
It started out as a feeling, which grew into a hope, which then turned into a quiet thought, which then turned into a quiet word, and then that word grew louder and louder until it was a battle cry.
– “The Call” Regina Spektor
Sitting in the movie theater, my eyes adjusting to the lights that had just come up at the end of the movie, I knew I loved the credit song. It didn’t hurt that it was sung by one of my favorite song artists, but I would have loved the song if it had been sung by someone else. I loved the words and the instrumentation. It was gorgeous. Breath-taking. Magical. And the lyrics of the chorus haunted me, hit me deeply, because I knew they were true.
Our thoughts are incredibly important. They lead to actions. And, apparently, actions are the fruit, or product of our hearts. But if actions are the product / fruit of our hearts, than our thoughts, are the food of our hearts.
We have many sources for our thoughts – life itself, school, movies, music, friends, parents, T.V., the list goes on.
But it is the thoughts themselves that are our heart’s food. It is our choice to focus our thoughts on what we want (or don’t want) from those movies and music. What you choose to think about from the conversations you have throughout the day, from the subjects in school you’re learning, from the TV shows you watch and the songs you listen to, affects you.
It’s kinda like a dinner buffet. At a buffet, you have many options of food to eat. And you get to choose what you want to eat, or not eat. You can choose from spaghetti or lasagna or some sketchy-looking Chinese meal, the salad, or the roast beef. Well, the world is the same way with our thoughts. You have the choice to think about stuff from movie last night, or from the book you’re (supposed to be) reading for Language, or from the conversation you had with your friend, or from the song that’s overplayed right now on the radio. It’s your choice.
But here’s the thing, just like if you chose healthy food to put in your body your body functions more along the lines of its originally intended plan, so your heart functions in a healthier manner if you feed it healthy “food”, or thoughts.
From your thoughts grow actions. Which might be why Jesus goes all strict-bun-in-a-tight-bun-steel-rimmed-glasses-ancient substitute teacher on people in Matthew. He’s rather tough when it comes to such things. He says it’s just as bad to lust after someone as to actually have sex with them. It’s just as bad to hate someone as to actually murder them.
Maybe because if you continue to think those thoughts of lust or anger, they grow, and then …there’s a chance, should you be given the opportunity … you’ll ACT out of those thoughts. And even if you don’t actually ever murder someone, or sleep with a man who’s not your husband, or say one nasty comment to your mother, those thoughts are still causing you to treat the people around you in ways that are not honoring to God, or honoring the fact that they were made in His image.
And God’s a pretty big stickler when it comes to how we treat each other. He highly stresses treating each other with love and respect. It’s a huge deal. Love God and love your neighbor. It’s incredibly important to Him – in fact, that’s how the world is supposed to know we love God – by our obedience to Him (which causes us to live differently than the rest of the world) and by how we treat others. And if your thoughts aren’t reflective of that, your actions (and words and facial expressions) won’t be either.
So, be careful what you allow your thoughts to dwell on, what you focus on. Your thoughts feed your heart. And out of your heart spring actions. Your thoughts have a great deal of power over how you treat others, so be careful what you think.
Filed under Self / Emotions, Uncategorized
Make or Break
Relationships make or break life. I’m serious.
Think about it. In elementary school – what ruined your day? It wasn’t if you got an “F” on the spelling test (if it was, your momma and I should have a talk). It wasn’t if hot lunch was taquitos instead of the French Toast that was on the menu. It was if you and your friends had problems. (Okay, so keep in mind I’m speaking from a girl’s point of view. I have no idea about boys. It might have been earth shattering if you didn’t get to kick the ball at recess if you’re a boy.) But if you’re a girl, than you know that the worst thing that could happen was getting in a fight with your friend group. You would go home in tears and even Mom’s pudding wouldn’t make things better. The same was true of middle school, except the fights got nastier and lasted longer and were generally more public…in a quiet, whispery sort of way. High school pretty much was a repeat of middle school, except there was less fighting (hopefully). But, in high school, there was the additional stress of “boyfriend”. Or lack of “boyfriend”.
And then there’s college. Your roommate (or roommates) make or break college. If you and your roommate get along, if you guys know how to talk stuff out, and actually deal, and know how to give each other space, but also how to get into each other’s space when needed, your year will be awesome. I don’t care if you have the worst classes ever. You like your roommate, you two click, your year will be good. On the flip side, if you have the best classes ever, and even make some good friends, but don’t get along with your roommate, your year will be incredibly hard. In.cred.ib.ly. Holding on by the white of your knuckles hard.
And then you get to “adult” life and relationships take a different tone. You have work relationships. And church relationships. And friendships that have miraculously hung on through the years from college or earlier. And maybe, even, a husband (or wife). And those relationships are crazy important too. Your relationships will make life fun and wonderful, or incredibly stressful and hard.
So, all that to say, take care of your relationships. Whether they’re romantic or really deep friendships , or even family – take care of them. Life is SO much more enjoyable when things are going smooth-ish. (even good relationships have bumps – and they should! Otherwise they don’t grow!)
So, today, on a day when stores are packed with haggard-looking men desperate for the last rose left on the shelf, and the slightly beaten-up box of chocolates, maybe broaden the subject a bit. Sure, romantic love is fun, and necessary, and it’s not the worst idea in the world to have a day reminding us of that. BUT, it’s also a good day to look around at the relationships of all types that you have in your life and appreciate them…and maybe polish them up a bit.
Send your friend a text telling them what a great friend they are. Give your mom (and maybe even your brother) a hug. Spend a few minutes in quiet, listening to whatever it is God’s been trying to say to you for the last week that you’ve been too busy to listen to. Buy that single, red rose for the one your heart adores. Take the time to have hard conversations, and to say you’re sorry, and to just listen.
Relationships make or break your life. So take the time to take care of them.
Filed under Relationships
“Once Upon A Time” instead of “Happily Ever After”
From the long, flowing, perfect hair that looks gorgeous even when wind-blown, to the teeny-tiny ten-inch circumference waists, to their dashing princes that come to their rescue and fall deeply, madly, head-over-well-shoed heals in love with their fair damsels, Disney Princesses have it made. Or, we think they do.
As young girls we in the Western World watch their stories over and over, memorizing lines and songs, learning from a young age to dream of or wait for a Prince Charming that will come, rescue a girl from whatever her current trial is (cleaning her bedroom, doing homework, escaping from an emotionally unavailable father) and whisk her away on his white horse into the sunset – into their “Happily Ever After”. And life will be perfect. Any troubles will be gone – forever. They will love each other perfectly. He will fulfill any desires and expectations she has, and she will, of course, do the same for him.
In the Christian world, we dream that any sins we struggle with will also be instantly erased the magical minute Prince Charming or Disney Princess walks into our own story. And so we create our own fairytale-endings, complete with white dresses, expensive parties, snappy clothing for our princes, and elaborate ceremonies with our kingdoms watching. Because, after all, what’s not to celebrate? Everything’s going to be grand now!
If only.
I think it’s about time we recognize that dating, engagements, aren’t an indicator that “Happily Ever After” (aka The Wedding) is about to happen. “Happily Ever After”, folks, is when we’ve completed our time here, and we enter through those pearly gates (for the record, I have NO idea how gates can be made out of pearl; I’m pretty excited to see those. Maybe it’s more like mother-of-pearl. Either way – Gor-GEOUS!!!!). The wedding is more like “Once Upon A Time”.
“Once Upon A Time” is the beginning (shocker, I know). Once Upon A Time means there’s a story ahead. A story full of frustration, hardship, obstacles to overcome, characters to get to know and to say good-bye to, character development, and love – much love. Any good story has love at its center. Maybe not romantic love, but love (for something OTHER than self) just the same.
I think maybe, if we start looking at weddings as “Once Upon A Time” expectations would be different, and maybe, more marriages would be saved.
Just sayin’.
Filed under Relationships
Bruises and Healing
My heart is bruised today. Like a physical bruise, I can go about my daily life, and most people don’t even notice – I can act normal. But the minute someone gets me talking, (presses against the bruise), tears flow. It’s not like a deep, bleeding wound where anyone and everyone can tell something’s wrong just by looking at my face (okay, for me and my face, it only has to be a paper cut on my heart for the world to know, I’m apparently pretty transparent, but still). For whatever reason, this is a bruise, and so I go about my day with a dull ache that can be ignored for a few hours at a time, but never for more than that.
See, I received some exciting, wonderful, scary heartbreaking news yesterday…and I’m hurt and thrilled and full of all sorts of conflicting, messy emotions. Sometimes life can be that way – chaotic and confusing. Right now, after spending all morning with teenagers, I want to curl up on my bed, lose myself under my thick blankets, tuck my knees to my chest, and cry into my pillow. Yesterday, when I received the wonderful news (and thus, the bruise), all I wanted to do was laugh and hug someone, because the news was that amazing and breath-taking. Seriously, I can’t wait to see how God works through this up-coming change! Wonders and miracles and (even cooler) such stories are going to come of this.
But now, a day later and having thought about the news a bit, I realize there is a bruise on my heart from it. Because it’s wonderful news, but it also means big scary change, and some pretty major loss in my life. I suppose, because it’s a bruise, I could go about my days and ignore the pain; after all, that is what I’ve been taught is “strong”. And we’re always supposed to be “strong”. And bruises are easy to ignore – until the bruised part of your body bumps into something (and that ALWAYS happens with bruises or stubbed toes, isn’t it?).
But I learned a long time ago that trying to always be strong – especially when it comes to my emotions – is not always a good idea. In fact, often, it is downright harmful. So I journal, and then call my best friend and soak the shoulder of her shirt with my tears.
Because, as painful as this is – I want to feel this. I want to embrace everything going on inside me. I want to know the joy, but that means also knowing the pain. And this is too wonderful of a moment to ignore the upheaval just to look “strong” or like I have it all together.
Besides, nowhere in the Bible does it say we’re supposed to have it all together. In fact, if you look at the characters throughout the story, not one of them (except for Jesus, of course) had everything all together. Jesus didn’t hold those who were pretending to have it all together. He touched and healed those who admitted to their physical pain.
And really, God gave us emotions. They are wonderful things. You CAN get lost in them, but so long as you use them healthfully, than you’re better off with them than without. God wanted us to experience joy and happiness – but those emotions are only truly sweet when you’ve experienced their opposites – disappointment and sadness. Think of it this way – you wouldn’t appreciate the sun if we never had night time, or a cloudy day. You need both. And to ignore only the “bad” or “negative” emotions – the ones we try to suppress and not experience – only deadens your ability to enjoy the good ones.
So embrace both – the joy and the pain, health and the ache of a bruise, the light and the dark, that you might understand the value and beauty of both. And yes, this sounds very “ying-yang” ish, but don’t take it that way. The good is stronger (and does win) over evil. Joy always has the last word. But you need a dash of the pain, you need the bruise, to appreciate the rest. I know, it sounds twisted, and if I wasn’t bruised right now, I’d probably be a whole lot more eloquent on the subject. But I’m not. This is me, raw, because I can’t think past the bruise at the moment. I’m sure I will in a day, because that’s what I do. Just not right now. And that’s okay.
Filed under Self / Emotions
Unseen Beauty
If you know me, you know there are a few subjects I can get, um, let’s go with “passionate” about. One of them is a woman’s beauty. Maybe because while growing up I would look around at all the girls my age and wish I was as beautiful as them (I couldn’t be beautiful because of my curvy body that refused to fit into social norms, no matter how little or how healthfully I ate – or how much I worked out). I could see the beauty in each and every woman and girl around me, and I longed to be as beautiful as they.
Now, eventually, I have been able to gain a more healthful attitude on this issue, and thanks to God and some persistent, kind, honest friends, I can see my own beauty. But I still see the beauty in every other woman, and it breaks my heart when they can’t see their own. Or when they downplay it because they don’t fit into a certain jean size, or their skin has developed wrinkles, or they have freckles, or their hair color isn’t blonde (or brunette or glorious red). I hate that!
I told one of the girls in my youth group a couple years ago that if I could give my life for the women of the world to see their own beauty and value, I would. And that’s still true, but I’ve learned something since then.
You aren’t going to truly be able to see your own beauty, if you don’t know how Christ sees you. It’s confusing and makes no sense, I know, and I’m not completely sure why this is the case, but it is. And, unfortunately, it’s one of those “constantly work on” things. It CAN go away if you don’t guard it. You have to know how much God loves you, treasures you, and how you look through the lens of Jesus in order for you to see your own beauty. Otherwise there will always be a flaw or someone prettier (thus rendering you not pretty) or aging that will bring your beauty into question in your mind. That’s just how it is in this cut-throat, beauty-defiling world we live in.
And, as I have been discovering, once you know how God sees you, what He thinks about you, you can learn to love all the bits and pieces of you – the insecure bits, the scared pieces, those things you see as flaws (freckles or snorts or a temper). And, the amazing thing is, generally, once you learn to love a specific bit of yourself, than that flaw no longer has power over you, and no longer can be used to whisper lies into your ear.
So, want to feel comfortable in your skin? Want to feel beautiful? There is absolutely nothing YOU can personally do about it. So start praying that God, in His timing and His way, will start to show you how He sees you. And then, that will be all that matters.
And that, Ladies (and Gentlemen) is beautiful.
Filed under Personal Image
Wimpy King Arthur
Guinevere stood facing the audience, back to her husband, King Arthur (of the Round Table). In other words – the air was thick with awkward tensions between the two, and the audience was holding its collective breath, waiting to see how King Arthur would respond to Queen Guinevere’s challenge. She had just told Arthur that she would NOT do as he asked (give Lancelot her handkerchief as a token of her good wishes for the tournament tomorrow), unless, as her King, Arthur commanded her. And then, she begged him, to not command she give her token to Lancelot, but to him, himself – Arthur (even though he would not be fighting). The audience could see on Guinevere’s face that she wanted Arthur to admit he was jealous (an accusation she’d previously declared and he’d denied) and command her to give HIM the token of her affection.
Arthur stood there for a moment, staring at his feisty and attention-loving wife’s back and all the air that was puffing up his angry chest, left him as quickly as if he’d been punched in the gut. You could see the pain and conflict on his face. He was Arthur, King of the Britons, Leader of the Knights of the Round Table, the most chivalrous, civilized man around. He was a leader, a manly man. But when it came to women – most notably his wife – he was a coward. He could not tell her that he WAS incredibly jealous; he could not command her to only give tokens of affection to him. He told her to do as she wished, and then walked off.
And Guinevere’s heart broke.
And, in that moment, Camelot began to fall.
There’s a reason women – especially the good ones – have this stereotype of going for the “bad guys”. It’s because there’s this sense about them that they’ll fight for us, and for their relationships – and that desire was built into women. We want a man who will fight for us (dragons and school-yard bullies and the man behind the counter who is being a jerk to us while we’re in the process of renewing our driver’s license). And we want a man who will fight for our relationship (even if that means the occasional fight WITH us).
Unfortunately, there aren’t many men out there like that. Some hide behind “manly” jobs – like firefighting or being a policeman or fighting for someone else’s rights in the courtroom…but when it comes to something closer to home, like their own relationships, they don’t fight. They don’t say what needs to be said, or do what needs to be done.
And this breaks our hearts.
Now, not EVERY man is a coward. There are some out there that will say the hard things (gently) in a relationship, in order to keep it healthy. There are some men that will fight our dragons (whether they’re actual dragons, or simply stubborn whimsies in our heads). But those men are few and far between. But they are worth waiting for.
So wait for them, women.
Don’t give up, he’s coming for you – in God’s perfect timing (that’ s part of fighting for you too). But make sure, before you hand over your heart to him, that he’s not faking being an actual man – hiding behind a manly career or a great relationship with God. Make sure he’ll fight for you, and for your relationship.
And men, speak up. Fight!
Filed under Relationships
Tamar and Judgments
Sometimes we have to do hard things. Sometimes those things don’t make any sense to us or to those around us.
For my final project for my Biblical Interpretation class last semester I had the opportunity to do a creative project of my choice. Which, for me, meant settling on a female character in the Bible and writing a monologue from her perspective. After many suggestions and much prayer, I settled on Tamar in Genesis 38 (there are 3 Tamar’s in the Old Testament). Her story has always intrigued me (well, always since I read it many years ago, not so much before I knew it existed!). And the common person’s reaction has always frustrated me. We make judgments so quickly; judgments made from how we see culture, God, and history. But what if we lived in a different time and place, and our view points were different? We would still make judgments about people, but we might come to a very different conclusion. Our experiences and culture influence our judgment in ways we don’t even fully recognize.
ANYWAY, Tamar intrigues me. SO, I studied her. I read her story multiple times in multiple translations (not in the original Hebrew because I’m not that boss). I studied the laws and culture of her time (I’m a nerd – I loved this part!). And I prayed a lot. And read the Joseph story that her story is stuck dead in the middle of. And I learned a lot about her.
And I learned that sometimes, in order to fulfill God’s will, we have to do hard things. Or things that don’t make sense. Or things that sometimes, others theologically don’t agree with (this one is tricky, if you’re the only thinking God told you to do something, chances are it wasn’t God, but sometimes….well, have your listening-to-God ears turned on!).
Anyway, here’s what I came up with for her. Go read Genesis 38 first. If you don’t have a Bible handy, go read it here, and then read my monologue. I’d love feedback!
You know, Judah, if you had just done your manly duty, we wouldn’t be in this mess. You would have ended up looking like a man of honor, a man who trusted God, and I wouldn’t carry around the label of “prostitute”. Which, by the way isn’t overly honoring for you, your now-dead sons, or the rest of our family either.
But no, you didn’t do that. Your boys were wicked. God killed my husband, Er, your eldest son, because of his wickedness, before I could give him a son, and God killed his younger brother, Onan, because of his wicked actions toward me. Onan would not fulfill his brotherly duty. He didn’t mind using me, no Sir, but when it came to planting his seed in me…well…he wasn’t such a big fan of that. Did you know that Judah? Did you know Onan was defiling me that way? Was mocking God in that way? I get it, he didn’t want his suddenly doubled inheritance to be taken from him by Er’s son…that HE fathered. But that doesn’t make it right.
And then, you send me away from your house. Afraid that if you gave me to Shelah, your youngest, he’d die too. Even you shirked from your duty. By law, you were just as responsible as your sons. I’m not saying it was a wonderful option; that either of us would have preferred it, but it was an option.
But instead you sent me away, saying your youngest son Shelah was still too immature to do a man’s job. Promising to send for me when he was a man.
So I went back to my father’s house, in shame, my future (and yours) still insecure.
Time passed. And more time passed. And Shelah grew up. And still you didn’t call for me. Your wife died, and still you didn’t call for me.
Perhaps you were afraid of losing your only family. I can understand that. But Judah, your God is a powerful God. Why didn’t you trust him?
As I waited, I heard rumor of you going to a sheep-shearing festival with your friend. And I knew this was my only chance, perhaps to right all the wrongs – whether or not I had inflicted them. And, forgive me, I knew that, with your wife having died earlier, that you would be desirous of time spent with a female.
So, I did what the women in our area did, in worship of their god. What was acceptable for them to do – even if not acceptable in the eyes of your god Judah. I had to stoop to heathen practices to help you do the duty you were supposed to do, years before. I played the prostitute.
For the first time since you sent me away, I took off my widow’s clothes and put on the soft, seductive ones of a prostitute. I covered my face, as prostitutes do, and went to meet you on the road, on your way to the festival.
And you did as I expected. You asked me to let you come in to me. I could see the desire in your eyes but I needed proof, for later on. So I asked what you would pay. The kid goat you offered was not with you, so I asked for your staff, your cord and seal as a pledge. I didn’t expect to get all three. Your staff, your cord, your seal…those three together are your identity. And yet, at the asking of a prostitute, you give them freely away, for a few minutes of pleasure.
When you were done with me, I quickly left that place. I put my widow’s garb back on, and waited, and prayed. And three months later, my father found out what I had done. He was furious, and he sent you word.
And then it was your turn to be furious, though you had no right to be. But I had thought ahead. I knew this moment was coming. I was not sure what you would do in it, confronted with what you had done, with what I had been forced to do. But that was the chance I took. One final chance.
And so I sent them to you, your seal, your staff, your cord, with the words, “It is by the owner of these that I am pregnant”.
It seemed an eternity in that moment. Waiting to hear if you would still burn me alive. Waiting to hear if you would finally call me back into your house.
And you did, to God be the glory, you asked me back. It was overheard that you said I was more righteous than you, for you had not given me to your son Shelah.
So now, Judah, now as you hold your twin sons I have given you, you have a choice. How will you raise them? Raise them not as you raised my husband Er, and as his brother Onan. Raise them instead to be men of God, righteous as their mother…and righteous as their father tries to be.
Filed under Biblical Characters and their lessons
In His Chrysalis 