“Your life is shaped by the end you live for. You are made in the image of what you desire.”
Thomas Merton
So, in the middle of a crazy life – in the midst of developing and cultivating friendships, between writing papers and attending classes, from frantic scurry to job to hectic driving to ministry – what, exactly is it that I desire? What, specifically do I desire? What is shaping me?
I like to think God. I WANT to think God. I’m even brash enough to look at my life and think, “God”. But, is He really? Or am I being side tracked by other, lesser important things, that are shaping me in ways that are not daring and bold and who I was originally designed to be? Am I settling for less?
What is the end I am living for? What is the end I currently have my eyes on? Is it bigger than just finishing this semester, or beginning the next project?
What are my deepest desires – the ones I know and few others do? The ones even I don’t want to admit to myself (do I even have those)? And how are those shaping what I do now, who I am now, who I am becoming?
Who is shaping me? What is shaping me?
In His Chrysalis 
I guess it’s a question or whether or not it’s ok to be driven by selfish means right?
Also, don’t forget that while you have your eyes fixed on the prize, to not forget to embrace and live in the present, giving each moment your full attention — partly because you will never get those moments back, partly because *they* are part of what is shaping you and they are given by God, and PRIMARILY because God speaks and interacts with you in the present. I’m so glad you go back and check on yourself by asking where your heart is. Trust also that when it gets off-track, he will bring it back on course as only his divine spirit living inside you could do. PS I don’t blame you for feeling a tad frazzled.