December 14, 2013 · 11:52 am

Lasting Impressions

I recently ran across a person that I met six months ago, and haven’t talked to since.  I was surprised by how strong my reaction was to this person, despite not having any sort of contact with them for so long.  To say I was excited to see them is a gross overstatement.  In fact, saying something along the lines of everything inside me felt like I had just walked into a middle school boys’ locker room, and the stench so overwhelmed me that I wanted to vomit and run out the door.  Okay, that might be a tad bit of an over -exaggeration.  But, I definitely did try to avoid this person throughout the time we were in the same room.

I was not loving this person the way God had asked me to.

But that’s something I get to work on, and not the point.

The point being – while we have some control over first impressions – how we look, our general attitude, we don’t have much control over them.  But LAST impressions – the feeling others get when they think of us after they’ve interacted with us – we have lots of control over that.  We can make sure to let the other person know they’re loved, and welcomed, and their presence is enjoyed.  We can leave them with a sense of knowing their Savior and Creator (and at least one of His creations) cares about them.   And really, this Christmas season, that might be the best gift you give anyone – a God-tinted last impression.

I know this is short and late and kinda-haphazard.  Sorry about that.  I blame seeing the second Hobbit movie twice within 24 hours…and finals week.  In other news – I somehow finished my first semester of seminary.  WHAT?!?  

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December 6, 2013 · 1:28 pm

Christmas, meet Thanksgiving

Christmas Tree

I was sitting in the living room this morning, eating my breakfast of yogurt and cereal, just enjoying the silence of the house, enjoying the beauty of the Christmas tree, enjoying the warmth of the kitten on my lap, enjoying the sun playing with the (frigid) sparkling snow outside.

And I began thanking God – for my breakfast, for the silence, for the warm-ish house I have been blessed to be sheltered by, for the privilege of living in a country where we could display a Christmas tree (and have the room for it, and the time to put it up – these are HUGE luxuries in some places of the world), thankful for the season the Christmas tree represents, for the beauty of the tree, for the purr-y kitten making it hard for me to eat my breakfast, for the sun shining (even if it’s WAY colder than it should be in Colorado right now).

I was reminded of when I worked with two year-olds, and how the things they’re always thankful for are “Mommy and Daddy and Bruder and Sissy and the kitty-cat and pizza”.  We smile and think they’re cute.  We smile and long for a day when our thanksgivings were that simple.  We deeply ache for when we COULD be thankful for “Daddy”, but now, with significantly more age than the precious babies we smile down at, we know what Daddy’s really like, and no one could be thankful for HIM, right?

Last week I went on a rampage about how those of us who live in the United States celebrate our Thanksgiving holiday with self-indulgence, with eating way too much when much of the world is starving.  I asked how this truly celebrates our thankfulness?  Shouldn’t our thankfulness encourage a spirit of giving, not of taking?

Well, this week, I set a proposition before you.
For the next 19 days (so, through Christmas), do your best to stay thankful.  Be thankful for the little things – like your shoes that don’t let the snow freeze your toes, or the way that snowflake landed on your cheek, or the fact the heater in your house works, or that your car worked this morning when you started it (because, you know, it didn’t have to).  Stay focused on the blessings you take for granted in your every-day life.

I have a hunch that in this season of crazy-busy, self-focus, insane-stress, present-buying, party-going, appearances-keeping, doing-waaaaaaay-to-much, that if we attempt to keep an attitude of thankfulness our priorities might stay in the right places.  Maybe, just maybe, we’ll be able to remember what’s important this season.

Maybe, in our thankfulness that our bodies worked when we woke up this morning, we’ll become more aware of those around us who don’t have that blessing, and we’ll gain compassion for them.

Maybe, in our thankfulness for the coat-we-bought-three-years-ago-and-is-now-out-of-fashion-but-we-still-wear-it-until-we-can-get-the-cute-one-at-Macy’s, we become aware of the man on the corner of the street who is wearing a coat full of holes and that is way too thin for the sub-arctic temperatures outside.

Maybe, in our thankfulness for the last cereal in the box (even though it was only a quarter of a bowl – seriously, who leaves that little behind?  Just finish the box already!), we become aware of the needs of the children all over the world who didn’t get to eat breakfast today, or yesterday, or all the days in the week before that.

Now, hear me out.  I’m not trying to put a guilt trip on you.  I just think this Advent season might mean a lot more to us if we’re focused on the new born Baby that is the focus of every manger scene instead focusing on the parties, or the clothes, or the food, or even the perfect presents.  Those are great and fun, but they’re not the point.  By participating in those parts of the season, we’re not going to tell the world about that small, life-changing Baby through our actions.

But, if you figure out a way to get that guy on the corner a better coat, or even just a cup of coffee and warm meal, you will be telling him of Jesus – without saying a word.

If you take time to go donate ten dollars to Compassion, or Convoy of Hope, or some other responsible relief-agency, you will tell some child somewhere of that Baby – without saying a word.   You have no idea how much of a privilege it is to give…until you want to and have nothing in your bank account.

If you hold back the words you’d LIKE to say to your father, and give him a hug instead – you’ll be telling him of Jesus (even if your dad knows Him already) without saying a word.

So, summary (just in case my coffee-induced state of awakeness during this time of impending finals and papers didn’t allow me to write clearly):

Keep in mind what Thanksgiving is supposed to be about during the rest of this Advent season.  And, when prompted, live it out.  Staying thankful opens our eyes to the blessings and needs surrounding us.  Staying thankful keeps us in a posture that God can more easily use; a posture that hears His promptings more clearly (and quickly).  Christmas might just mean more to you this year if you celebrate Thanksgiving all December long.

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November 29, 2013 · 1:24 pm

Where has Thanksgiving gone?

 

Tureky

Turkey, rolls, stuffing, cranberries, rolls, green-bean casserole, rolls, pie.  The table is practically bending in the middle with the weight of all the food that has been placed on it.  And by the end of the meal, you will be uncomfortably stuffed from all this wonderful deliciousness.   And it’s tradition.  And it’s community.  And it’s expected.  And it’s amazing food.  And it’s communion with friends and family.

And yet…..

Can someone explain to me how a day that has come to represent over-indulgence, a day that precedes a whole season of over-indulgence, be called “Thanksgiving”?  If we are truly thankful, we wouldn’t be focused on ourselves, would we?   We wouldn’t be stuffing ourselves with food, than rushing off to get the best gadgets that same evening and following day.  Nothing about that sounds very Thankful to me.

Thanksgiving means we recognize that we are given so much more than we are worthy of.  Thanksgiving means remembering where our health, our food, our relationships, our houses and all the stuff in them, where all that comes from.  Thanksgiving should be a gathering of family and friends to, as a community, give thanks to God for what He’s done.

But I don’t see that really happening in our culture.  Sure – in pockets – little glimpses here and there – but not over all.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for celebrations.  And yes, it is good to sit down with friends and family and eat together.  There is something spiritual and holy about it – or should be.  But if the meal wasn’t about us, but about giving thanks to God for what He has done throughout the year (because that was the original point hundreds of years ago) than shouldn’t it look different?

catching fire

I don’t know.  Maybe I’m just grumpy this morning.  But then, that scene from Catching Fire keeps circling around my mind.  (No spoilers if you haven’t seen it.  Promise. ) There is a scene where Peeta and Katniss are at the Palace, in the celebration of the culmination of their victory tour – they are eating, and stuffed.  When they mention this, one of their stylists hands Peeta a glass of pink liquid (I’m sure it’s named in the books, but I don’t remember), which, apparently, allows you to throw up so that you can go eat more.  Peeta politely refuses the drink, and whispers to Katniss, “People are starving back home, but here, they’re throwing up food”.  Or something like that.

And I wonder.  We’re thankful, and eating too much, but out there, beyond where you can see them, people are starving.  Literally.  In The United States of America, kids are starving. In Haiti, in Peru, in South Africa, in Germany, in China, in The Philippines, in India – people are literally starving to death.  The ache in their bellies is not from eating too much – but from not having enough to eat.

Shouldn’t, in our thankfulness of what God has done for us this year, we somehow remember those who are less fortunate?   Shouldn’t our thankfulness lead to action?  Shouldn’t we share our bounty – in whatever way we can?  Whether that’s donating time and money to a local food bank or homeless shelter, or inviting someone to your meal who doesn’t have anyone else to eat with, or even simply smiling at the bell-ringer outside the grocery store, or forgetting all the doubts you have about how the man at the corner with the sign would spend your money, and giving him a five anyway, but making sure you look in his eyes and tell him “God bless” before handing it over.  Wouldn’t that be the grateful thing to do?  Or maybe even just being more intentional with how much food we eat, not abusing His graciousness?  I don’t know.

This isn’t what I intended to write about, it was a much cheerier subject.  This is just what came out.  Sorry if it’s a downer.  I don’t mean to sound judgmental or anything along those lines.  I just… I guess I feel like something about this holiday has gone horribly wrong, and maybe we should do something about it.

 Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever!

1 Chronicles 16:34

Turkey Pic Cred

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November 22, 2013 · 1:19 pm

Speak Up, Man!

i-hate-talking-on-the-phone

I once dated a young man who loved The Simpsons.  We worked together, and throughout the day he would come up to me and spout random quotes.  One of his favorites was, “The problem in the world today is communication.  Too much communication.”  And then he would walk off.  Yep.

I just entered that weird phase that NO ONE WARNS YOU ABOUT where you’re old and young all at the same time.  But, I’ve lived long enough to firmly believe that most relationship (friends, family, romantic) issues could be worked out if people actually had the courage to communicate…and maybe the insight as to when and how to communicate.

Bringing up a deep topic, or something that’s really bothering you, while the other person is tired, or frustrated, or distracted with their phone, or, well, generally not listening – that’s NOT communication.  You gotta pick your time carefully.

So, you might need some patience, and a lot of prayer.  But, even if you have to wait two days, or two weeks, it’s still important to talk about whatever was bugging you at the time.  Simply “forgetting about it” (in my experience, no one can truly “forget about” something – it’s down there  … lingering  ….festering …. ) never helps anyone.  You need to talk it out.

I know it’s uncomfortable.  I know it’s painful.  I know it was so long ago.  You still need to – generally.

Now, saying that, I should add, that I’m a pretty huge hypocrite in this area.  There are several conversations I’m never going to have with several people in my life that maybe I should.  There are words I am never going to say.  Because I’m convinced that those words aren’t going to do any good.  Due to the character of one of these people, speaking to him would do more harm than good.  Sometimes that happens.  And because of that ,I have a lot of hard work to do on my own – working through stuff.  But it’s important to work through the pain and anger; if I’d just ignore it, well, that’s when I allow bitterness to settle in.  And bitterness is the great unspoken sin.  It’s a couple steps away from hatred.  Don’t go there.

I’m not going to talk about some of the hurts and pain I’ve been given from another friend because they happened years and years ago, and I know she wouldn’t remember them.  She’s a different person now.  I’ve had to do the hard work to see that, to work past long-ignored pain that was blinding me to the woman she is now.  And I’ve promised myself that from now on, now that I realize how important it is, as other stuff comes up in our friendship (because, in a true friendship, stuff occasionally comes up) I will talk to her about it.

See, it’s important to work out our pain.  It’s one of the ways we let it go, one of the ways we release it.  It’s vital that we talk about it with the person who hurt us – in the right time, the right place, the right attitude.  I cannot stress how important the right time, place and attitude are!!!  They are key, vital, imperative, crucial…you get the point.  So, pray about it.  Pray as you’re in that moment, knees bent, wound freshly bleeding.  Pray for God to give you the words to say to help the other person understand things from your point of view.  Pray for God to restore the relationship.

But, whatever you do, don’t pretend that it doesn’t matter.  Or that you’ll get over it.  In fact, we’re commanded to not ignore this stuff.  Ephesians says to not let the sun go down on our anger.  Talk it out, or if the time and place (or attitude) isn’t “right” yet – write it down, journal about it.  Or draw a picture about it.  Go for a walk and write a note that you need to talk about it.  Pray about it until you have peace.  But don’t go to bed still hurt and angry.  It doesn’t make for very restful sleep.  Believe me.

I’m convinced that many of the abandoned relationships that lay shattered on the ground all around us could have been saved had people just talked about stuff – before the hurt got too deep, or there got to be too many of “not big deal” wounds.

Relationships are important, people are important.  And guess what, relationships can’t really have any sort of depth without communication – in whatever form that looks like for you.  You HAVE to talk – about the good stuff, the fun stuff, the everyday stuff, the painful stuff, the angery-ifying stuff, the scary stuff.  Real friendship means telling the other person the stuff that never makes it to Facebook, or Instagram, or Twitter.  It means being very open with each other.  It means trusting the other person.  Lots and lots of trust – and forgiveness.  It has to happen, or else the relationship becomes unhealthy.  And well, unhealthy relationships don’t tend to last.

They are two of the few things (if not the only two) that you get to take with you to heaven.  So make sure you take care of them.   Talk stuff out, don’t pretend it doesn’t matter.   It does.  You know it, and so do they.

And while I actually do believe there is such a thing as “Too much communication”, I believe that has more to do with focusing on the something, and never allowing yourself to grow. Or you’re telling the world facts that hurt another person.  I’m sure there are examples, but they’re not the point of this particular blog.  For the most part, in real, deep, lasting relationships, there is NO SUCH THING as “too much communication.”

                So – go communicate people!  Even if it means awkwardness, or a red face, or a shredding a napkin while you’re trying to get the words out.

Pic cred 

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November 15, 2013 · 1:21 pm

The thin boundary between worlds

Bear with me here.  I’m processing this.  This has been on my mind for months, and this is the closest I’ve come to getting it out.  Please feel free to respond and put in your two cents.

There is a repeated theme in fantasy literature that there are places where the boundaries between the supernatural world and the physical world are thinner, where our actions in the physical world can affect the supernatural world, and visa versa.

I know it’s not always the best idea to get your theology, or even world view, from fantasy literature, but sometimes it speaks truth in a way that no other sort of story (or text book) can.  Hence C. S. Lewis writing The Chronicles of Narnia, or J.R.R. Tolkien writing The Lord of The Rings.  Actually, the truth in mythology is a big reason why C. S. Lewis became a Christian (or so legend says).

The thing is, this principle isn’t just in my favorite fantasy literature; it’s all over the Bible.  Look at Job: Satan talked to God – in the spiritual realm – and then Job’s physical world came shattering down around him.  Look most of the last third of Moses’ life, as he led the Israelites around the desert.  Look at the miracles Elijah and Elisha performed.  Look at Jesus.

There is an overlap.

And maybe this is because we are not just physical beings, but spiritual as well.  We live in a culture that currently believes that Science and Logic will always have the last word.  And yet there are so many unanswered questions in our lives that Science and Logic will never be able to answer.  So many heart longings that make absolutely no sense, but that make us miserable until we pursue them.  We are spiritual beings.

And so, as both spiritual and physical beings, sometimes what we do in the physical world echoes into the spiritual – our actions, our words.  Not always, but sometimes.

This is the part I’m not sure about.  I don’t know where the overlap is.  Is it everything?  Is it only the important stuff?  Is it in the quiet moments?  I’m willing to bet ceremonies like weddings and baptisms are a few of those times.  And those moments when you inexplicably feel loved.  Or when you just know that you know that you need to do something, or say something to someone, even if it doesn’t make any sense to you.

I don’t know exactly what the implications are.  I know there are some.  I know there is some sort of important life application here, but other than just becoming more aware of the consequences of your physical actions, and learning to listen to the spiritual side of you (um, otherwise known as the conscience the Holy Spirit has put in you…or the Holy Spirit Himself), which are both HUGE things, I don’t know.

But I know it’s important.

So, talk to me.

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November 8, 2013 · 11:41 am

Baptism

under water

 

“What we do in life echoes in eternity”

I couldn’t understand why I had to do it; I just knew I needed to.  But there was no way I was going to do what I needed to do before I knew WHY I needed to do it.

That sounds confusing.  Let’s back up.

When I was ten, I watched my babysitter get baptized, and something in me longed to do the same.  When I told Mom that I wanted to do that too, she said I should wait until I was older, when I knew what that action meant.   Years passed and while the desire would come back when I watched others get baptized, somehow it was never the “right” moment for me.

The summer I was twenty-six, I had been back from Bahrain for a full year, and I had just begun healing.  My church had a baptism, and as I watched some of my youth group kids get baptized, the old longing returned.  I knew next year, at next summer’s church picnic, I would get baptized.

I never doubted that this was going to happen, but I instantly wanted to know WHY I needed to be baptized.   After all, I had said the prayer seventeen years before.  If a simple prayer saves you (I’m not convinced of this, by the way) than I’d been saved for seventeen years.  Everyone who knew me knew I was a Christian.  If the point of baptism, as it appeared to be in the Bible, was simply declare my faith, why did I need to go through the actions?  It wasn’t necessary.  My salvation was not dependant on my baptism, so why?

No one could really answer my question other than, “Well, Jesus did it.  And we’re supposed to imitate Jesus.  So, you need to do it. It’s an obedience thing.”

But that didn’t really explain anything for me.  WHY?  WHY was this ceremony, were these specific actions, necessary?

So, since no one could explain it to me, I took my Bible and journal to a coffee shop, and had it out with God.  I told him I wanted to do this, but I also wanted to know what I was doing.  I wanted to understand the significance of these actions.

And I sat there in silence, staring off into space, waiting, listening, for a good chunk of time.

And gently, quietly, a picture of a wedding worked its way into my consciousness.  As I looked at the bride and groom in the picture, I realized they could have asked a similar question.  The wedding ceremony didn’t change how they felt about each other.  It didn’t change their commitment level to each other.  The wedding was simply a public declaration to the world of what was already in their hearts, and it was the bride and groom’s asking the congregation to be part of their story.  To celebrate with them in the joyous moments, to cry with them in the unbearable moments, and to help them push through in the moments when all they would want to do is run in the opposite direction.    And there was something about the ceremony that made the commitment more solid, harder to break.  Maybe it was the ceremony itself that changed the commitment into a covenant.

And the same was true of me getting baptized.  It was me declaring my love and obedience to my Lord and Savior.  It was me inviting others into my story, asking them to keep me accountable, to help me out, to rejoice with me.  It was an intentional public display of affection.

The quiet sploosh of me being dunked beneath the water, will forever be one of the most holy sounds I ever hear.   In that moment, my physical body echoed what my spirit had long ago done, and it was about time the two were unified and in agreement.

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November 1, 2013 · 2:44 pm

No Great Expectations

He’ll notice the non-existent tear in the corner of your eye, and ask what’s wrong.   She’ll have your favorite dinner, perfectly prepared, waiting, steaming hot on the table when you come home.  He’ll intuitively know when to bring you a rose for no reason.  She’ll know the perfect words to say to remind you of the man you are.  She’ll always be beautiful.  He’ll always be able to fix the leaky sink.
She’ll know when to take you out for coffee and just listen, and she’ll know when to interrupt.  He’ll know when to get you to come over and play X-Box and to let you kick his butt.
She’ll know when to hug you and put a band-aide on your owy.  He’ll know when he needs to call you Princess and scare the teenage boy cowering behind you – mostly because he wants both you and the boy to know how very special you are.
She’ll glare at you whenever you pass in the hallway.  He’ll call you names behind your back.
He’ll ask you why you didn’t try harder on the test…again.  She’ll give you slack because she always does, and let you get by with it again…this time.
He’ll take care of everything, make sure the world runs smoothly, make sure none of the children go hungry or get hurt.

I once had a friend tell me that he was working at not having any expectations in his relationships.  And I thought he was crazy. You need expectations, right?  Otherwise people will walk all over you; otherwise people will use you.  Otherwise you’re the only one giving in relationships.  Otherwise you’re directionless.

But, the longer I live, and the more relationship experience I have, the more I realize how wise my friend is.  Expectations in relationships – romantic, friends, parents or simply someone in your social circle, or even of God  – are incredibly damaging.

When we think we know how someone should react, or what they should do, we limit them to our standards.  No, seriously, think about it.  If you have a certain idea of how your best friend is supposed to treat you, when she doesn’t it, it’s incredibly painful for you.  And you probably get angry, because she didn’t do what you needed to do; she didn’t do her job as best friend.  Shouldn’t she know better?  So you punish her (get angry, pout, stop talking, or simply hold it against her until you can’t hold it in any longer) until she gets the hint and starts acting the way YOU want her to.
And when you carry those ideas around with you, you’re really hurting your friendship.  You’re not allowing her to be her*.  And, you’re saying that she has to act a certain way, when maybe she never thought of that, or maybe she was trying to do something better for you, or, well who knows.  The point being, you had expectations of her, and now that she didn’t follow through, some part of you that was banking on her doing that, is incredibly hurt.

See, the thing is, our expectations are one way we exercise control over people.  We expect them to be, or do, or look a certain way.  And we get hurt and furious when they don’t.

The same is true of God.  When we have expectations of who He is, or what He’s like, or what He should or can do, we limit Him, and we try to control Him.  Our expectations dictate what we think His actions should be.  But the crazy thing is – He’s GOD.  As Job found out – who are we to say what He’s like, what He should do, or question His letting children in Africa go hungry?  I know, I sound super shallow saying that.  I sound like callous, like I don’t care.  But I do.  So I do everything a poor, broke white girl in the US can do.  But I don’t get angry at God.  He’s God.  He is GOOD.  He has a plan.  My expectations of Him only damage our relationship.
So I let God do what God does best – be God.  I trust that He’s going to stick with who He is, the solid truths I know about Him.  And so I’m just along for the ride.

The thing is, we think that we can’t give up those expectations.  That somehow releasing those expectations of the people around us will allow them to be less than who we need them to be.  Or that the need that they sorta-almost-kinda fill will be completely neglected in us.  And it’s painful.  It’s harmful.  But the thing I’ve discovered is that holding grudges for expectations not met, for keeping those expectations when it’s obvious that person is NEVER going to live up to them, is actually incredibly more painful and harmful than if we were to let them go.
If you let them go – if you let the expectations go – than you allow that person to be who they really are.  You’ve given them freedom.  And who knows but that in their freedom they now have the room to be who you needed them to be – even if you didn’t realize you needed them to be that.  And somehow, in your release of your expectations of them – you allow God to step in and fill the spots that your friend or family couldn’t.   And that’s when healing begins.

We all have expectations.  Boyfriends and girlfriends have expectations of each other.  Husbands and wives have expectations of each other.  Daughters have expectations of their daddies.  Best friends have expectations of each other.  We all (whether or not we realize it) have expectations of God.  Let them go.

Let them go.  See what your relationships look like if you allow that person (or God) to simply be who they are.  See what your relationships look like if you allow God to fill the needs in you that right now, you’re expecting someone else to fill (and they’re failing miserably at).

I’m betting your pain will be dramatically less, and the relationship, over time, will get healthier than you’ve ever imagined.   Granted, it will be incredibly hard.  It’s natural for humans to have expectations of each other. It’s just what we do.  It’s part of how we make sense of the world around us.  And it’s part of how we kill each other.

So now I’m striving to live as my friend does –  relationships with No Expectations.

*Now, there are times we need to confront (gulp) our friends or family or even God when they really aren’t doing something we need them to do (or are doing something we need them NOT to do).  But if we hold expectations of how they should act – that confrontation is an angry confrontation.  While, if we didn’t have those expectations, that confrontation is a gentle one, one of humility and need.

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October 25, 2013 · 1:25 pm

Spiders, Diving Boards, and Fear

high dive

          I can still remember sitting on the couch, Mom sitting next to me, trying to comfort my teary soul.

                It was the summer of my eleventh birthday, and, as usual for summer, I was taking swimming lessons.  In class that day, we had been given the chance to jump off the high-dive, and the rumor was that we were going to be forced to jump the next day.  I hadn’t gotten a chance to jump today, and now I was super-scared of jumping tomorrow.  Now, this wasn’t any normal fifteen feet higher than the surface of the water high dive board, like you usually see.  This was like one of those Olympic high dives where you had enough space for at least four or six Goliath-sized giants to stand on each other’s shoulders between the tip of the dive board and the surface of the water.  It was high.  And the ladder to climb to the top was, of course, LONG and high.  Top of Mount Everest high.

  Now, before you get any ideas, I’m not afraid of heights.  There are many things I have a healthy (or unhealthy in some cases – spiders) fear of, but heights is NOT one of them.  But, for whatever reason, I was deathly afraid of jumping off that high board.  

The crazy thing was, I hadn’t been as I watched several of my classmates jump off.  I wasn’t afraid at all during the drive home.  I was excited.  But somehow, as I got further away from the actual board, it kept getting taller and taller.  And, as I talked with Mom about it, I felt fear growing in me.   I actually realized that I was getting more afraid the more I talked about it.  I even worked myself into tears.  I remember having this disconnected part of me thinking, “What’s going on?  Two minutes ago I was excited, why am I scared now?”  But I was.  Deathly so.  Suddenly, what had just a few minutes before been an exciting adventure, was going to literally kill me.  I pictured myself jumping off and never coming up – I would die at the bottom of the deep end.  Or I would jump, and I might even come back up, but I wouldn’t know where I was, and so I’d die swimming in circles.

I know, it sounds crazy.  The teachers were there to direct me, to protect me, or to swim down to the bottom and bring me up.  But the more I focused on the dive board, the more fear grew in me.

Which, I have learned, is how fear works.  It grows.  Whether or not it’s a rational fear – you focus on it, and it will grow.  You focus on doing the world’s worst belly-flop off of a dive board that is five giants’ height tall, and your fear of death (or all your bones shattering at once) will grow.  You focus on falling down a mountain you’ve just hiked up, you will be practically immobilized as you try to climb down.  You focus on that small, harmless beige spider on the wall jumping at you and biting at your neck like a vampire – and your fear will grow.  Promise.  Suddenly your fear of that harmless spider will be so great that you can’t squish it with a Kleenex.  You’ll be screaming for your mother, or your boyfriend, to do it for you.  And they will laugh.  Because they just see the tiny little spider on the wall whereas YOU see this ginormous, face-sized, hairy spider that is cackling as he preps for the jump.

Fear makes us do silly things – like screaming bloody-murder over a spider, like never crossing the monkey bars as a kid, like never leaving our house, or never getting on an airplane, like not asking the teacher why we missed a point on the test (and so getting a lower grade), like avoiding conversations (and so ruining friendships).

Fear is a big deal.  It’s incredibly harmful. And the longer you don’t deal with it, the longer you let whatever you’re afraid of dance around in your mind, the higher the dive board gets, the hairier the spider, the darker the shadow, the meaner the teacher, the angrier the friend gets.

The longer you avoid your fear, the more power you give to that fear.

Fear is NOT one of those things that if you just ignore it, it will go away.  Promise.

Fear doesn’t go away, it grows – unless you deal with it head-on.

So, my advice?  Go deal with whatever you’re afraid of.  As they used to say in wild west – bite the bullet (they used to literally bite a bullet so they didn’t scream during surgery – no place for painkillers in the west) as soon as possible.  Just get it over with.  It’s probably not as bad as you’re making it out to be.  Go have that conversation.  Say “hi”.  Squish the spider.  Jump off the high board.    You’d be surprised how freeing and light you’ll feel after you get it over with.  Defeating fear is a crazy-awesome feeling.  You almost you believe you can fly…which might be a problem if you’re afraid of heights.

And no, I was not forced to jump off the high-dive the next day.  In fact, I think my teachers got in trouble for letting my classmates do it the day before, because we stayed  away from that part of the pool for the rest of the class sessions.  Go figure.  It’s okay though, I’m not afraid of high dives anymore.  I’ve jumped off of many since then.

shelob

You mean this isn’t what you see every time you see a spider?

Picture of high dive found here
 Shelob

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October 18, 2013 · 1:31 pm

Courage, plain and simple

The knight in shining armor, vanquishing the dragon or the evil witch.    The woman who won’t give up her seat on the bus.  The policeman who delicately deals with the man with a gun.  The fireman who runs into the burning building.  The teacher who works with students who could care less about learning how to add fractions because their mom didn’t come home.  The girl who does her best on the history test, even though she hasn’t made over a C on a test all year.  The boy who goes out for the football team again, even though he hasn’t made the team the last two years.

Courage comes in all shapes and sizes.  Which is kind of the problem.  We assume that courage looks more like the knight in shining armor than the boy who gets cut… again… from the football team.  Or that courage looks more like the woman who refused to move back a row on the bus, than the girl who refuses to give up trying in school.  But, in many ways, the everyday, ordinary, doesn’t-even-feel-like-it courage is the harder kind.  Because it’s the kind you have to deal with every single day.  Day in and day out.  Time after time after time.  Never ending.  At least with the knight, if he doesn’t succeed it’s all over – because he’s dead.  Or the woman on the bus – she had no idea that day when she woke up that she was going to make history that day.  It wasn’t in her plans.  Promise.

The thing is though, if you’re NOT courageous in the day-to-day stuff, like school, or work, or whatever is hard for you, than when it comes to facing the dragon or the witch or the burning building, you’re not going to be ready for it.  Because you haven’t practiced.  Courage takes practice.  Every day, don’t give up, keep trying, keep pushing, practice.  Courage isn’t going to suddenly burst from you when the huge, life-or-death, history-making hard stuff comes by if you’re not practicing it in your day-to-day life.  You have to practice it in your day-to-day life!!!!  The everyday, little stuff counts!

So, what does daily courage look like?  It looks like going to school even though it’s not fun or easy.  It looks like trying to get along with your family.  It looks like facing the daily grind with a smile.  It looks like hoping things will be different this time, even though history says they shouldn’t be.  It looks like gently confronting a friend, telling them how what they are doing is hurting you, or how they’re hurting themselves.  It looks like being willing to deal with the elephant in the room, to deal with the awkwardness that is, for whatever reason, between you and someone else.    It means facing the hard, uncomfortable stuff – not avoiding it.

It’s easy to avoid stuff.  Unfortunately, it’s also cowardly.  And, well, while being a coward feels more comfortable in that moment – it’s only for that moment.  It actually steals little tiny bits of you at a time, because God didn’t make you a coward.  With Him, through Him, you’re supposed to be bold and courageous (that’s in the Bible).  Being a coward means denying who you were created to be.

So, go say the hard stuff.  Say “hi”.  Workout and practice throwing all year, and try out for that football team – again.  Study your heart out, Dear, and do your best on that next History test.  Have the courage to hope that when you go talk to your boss about that thing, it’s going to be different this time.  Believe that God is who He says He is, that He’ll do what He promises…even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

That is courage.

And it is, ladies and gentlemen, incredibly important.

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October 11, 2013 · 2:43 pm

Stop and watch the leaves

DSCN4566

I am crazy busy right now.  Midterms are in two weeks, but because of papers and other projects and youth group stuff and friends, I haven’t even really begun to start studying.  That will change this evening.

I’m not complaining about my life.  I’m enjoying every second of it – maybe more than I have in years.  I love my classes.  I love my friends and where our relationships are right now.  I love my beautiful teen women and can see God doing so much in them.

But I am busy.  Granted, I am always busy, generally, but this is more than normal.  I’m having to schedule things that I normally don’t schedule.  I don’t see my friends as much as I’d like to.  And any ability to just drop things and go do something because I have time to do what I was going to do now, later – is just gone.

And, to be honest, I hate that part.  I feel like I’m running in circles.  I’m actually pretty worried about falling behind and never being able to get back on top of everything.  It’s not good.

It’s in moments like this – moments of chaos and uncertainty  – it is these moments that surround the verse in Psalms 46 – when God commands us to “be still”.  Now, sometime in the future I fully intend on doing a study on that word and verse, but for now, simply knowing “be still” is enough.

Granted, I can’t really “be still” right now.  Not physically.  But my spirit can be.  My spirit can abide in Christ, and trust that He’s got my back, that’s He’s protecting me and working in me through all the crazy stuff that is my life right now.   The problem is, I’m not any good at that.  So, I get to work on it.  Which is okay; He has definitely given me the perfect setting to do just that!

Especially when He helps you.  For me, there is nothing like a calm, peaceful Autumn afternoon, hanging out by running water, taking pictures of the beauty around me.  There is very little like a good conversation with a close friend, to remind me to abide.  To slow me down.  To give my soul room to sigh, smile, and bask in His goodness.

Which is exactly what He did for me Saturday afternoon.  Sometimes He hijacks what you think you’re doing, and you discover He’s done so much you didn’t expect.

So, look for your moments, your things He has given you that remind you to slow down.  Those things that give you peace.   Those activities that revitalize you.  And remember to breathe, to smile,  and just look around you.  The Earth, especially this time of year, is gorgeous.  It’s a great reminder.

 

Psalm 46: 9 – 11
He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the chariots with fire.
“Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
The Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our fortress.    Selah

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